Growing kinder

I’ve lived most of my life since as early as Junior school until very recently beating myself up for every error I make. Even one rectifiable mistake or missed opportunity appeared to be the end of the world to me. So many times have I moped about as though the world was against me I would be grumpy and not the me I knew I could be and who my parents wanted people to see.

 If I wasn’t the one to give the right answer in class or receive a merit certificate for hard work it would cause me to turn on myself and feel sorry for myself. For so long I must have came across as so egocentric or simply selfish to others. My parents would comment about the look on my face when someone else got something and I didn’t. As much as I loved (and still love) my brother I’m sure I must have been jealous of him at times. Jekyll and Hyde I would often be referred to as. My parents would receive compliments about how lovely I am from family and friends whenever I was anywhere in public or at a family gathering. All the effort my wonderful parents made to bring me up to be a well rounded human being who showed kindness and happiness for others there must have felt like such energy wasted. However my parent like most others always held faith in me and would remind me how lovely I could be and never lost sight of just how well mannered and kind I could be also. I was no lost cause to them I just needed to learn to be the best I could be and accept that I may not always be the one who gets top marks in spelling tests or to be given the lead part in a school play but as long as I put all my effort in that was what mattered. 

I’ve learnt that for my own piece of mind I need to take in to account all the steps I take without tripping and the times I succeed. If we don’t take account of these small achievements we will constantly feel down trodden and a failure. There are enough times when others will put us down and belittle us whether it be in the workplace or nasty comments made by others aloud or secretly in our social circle. Most of these people are often people who need love and someone to believe in them. So if we believed in ourselves more often their un-informed opinions of us won’t bother us. So don’t make being made to feel inadaquete an option, approach each day as though it is the first day of the rest of your life but also potentially the last in this unpredictable world we live in. You hold the key to your own success no one else! Surround yourself with this who glory in your success and whilst you feel a sense of worth from them let them feel a sense of worth from you.  Make the world a world we want the next generation to feel safe in and proud of. Be happy, be proud, show fear and vigilance but don’t be frightened to take risks. We need to believe in ourselves and see the good in those around us. It can be tough at times to find comfort and tranquility in a world where there is so much eveidence of hostility and evil. But we need to also see the beauty that surrounds us, the landscapes and the beauty in ordinary people who are doing there very best to be good, honest people trying to make their way in life the best way they know how.  So be kind to yourself reward yourself but be humble know the value of our lives and the lives of those around us famiy, friends and strangers. I know I will make further errors of judgements, snap opinions and judgements in life but if I try to have good intentions and approach life positively and humbly I hope my efforts pay off not only for my own gratification but for the good of those around me. 

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